Be a Goldfish: The Leadership Skill I Wish I Learned Sooner

Be a Goldfish: The Leadership Skill I Wish I Learned Sooner

There’s a line in Ted Lasso that sneaks up on you. The kind of line that sounds like a joke but stays in your head for years.

“You know what the happiest animal on Earth is? A goldfish. You know why? Got a ten-second memory. Be a goldfish.”

When I heard it, I laughed. 

But I didn’t forget it. 

Because I am not a goldfish.

Far from it. 

Someone congratulates me? I forget by the end of the day. 

Someone critiques me? I’ll remember it a decade later, in full color, with mood lighting and a score composed by my insecurities.

I have built mental museums dedicated to my failures. Tiny exhibits of “where it went wrong.” I walk through them often. Sometimes daily.

That’s the curse of being human. But it’s an even bigger curse when you’re leading people.

Because leadership demands memory, but not all of it.

The Heavy Things We Carry

If you’re like me, you’ve probably been told that great leaders reflect. That they process mistakes, learn from them, and grow. 

That’s true.

But no one tells you when reflection turns into rumination. When the helpful “here’s where I could’ve done better” becomes “see, I always mess this up.”

There’s this idea that the past sharpens us. But too much past dulls the blade.

I can barely recall a compliment someone gave me three months ago. But I can replay every awkward conversation, every misstep, every raised eyebrow from my first job.

And it’s not just about me. 

When I carry these moments, I start attaching them to other people. 

The person who missed a deadline? Probably always going to miss them. 

The colleague who questioned my decision? Bet they don’t respect me. 

The executive who shot down my idea? Thinks I’m out of my depth. 

I turned people into fixed characters in a story I wrote in my head. 

That’s not leadership. That’s keeping score.

Ted Lasso Was Right — But Not For The Reason You Think

Let’s get one thing clear. Ted Lasso wasn’t telling us to forget everything.

He wasn’t saying, “Forget the mistake.” He was saying, “Forget the shame.”

Be a goldfish about the sting. But be a librarian about the lesson.

The problem is, most of us get that backwards. We forget what we learned, but keep the feeling. The embarrassment. The frustration. The resentment.

Leadership isn’t just about moving forward. It’s about moving forward without dragging dead weight behind you.

My Wake-Up Call

It took me years to figure this out.

I was carrying old frustrations into new meetings. I was shadowboxing ghosts of problems that didn’t exist anymore.

I wasn’t just slowing myself down. I was slowing my team down.

Because teams don’t just watch what you lead. They watch how you lead.

If you’re still hung up on last quarter’s mistake, your team feels it. If you’re hesitant to trust because of one dropped ball, your team feels that too.

Pretty soon, everyone’s operating under invisible weight. The pressure not to mess up. The sense that every mistake lives forever.

You can’t innovate like that. You can’t build trust like that. You can’t enjoy the work like that.

So How Do You Be a Goldfish?

I wish I could say I flipped a switch and let it all go. I didn’t.

What I did was build a practice.

Step 1: Ask Yourself This Question

“Is remembering this helping me or hurting me?”

If it’s helping — I write it down. I figure out what I can do better next time.

If it’s just making me bitter or hesitant, I let it go.

Sometimes I say it out loud: Be a goldfish!

Yes, I feel ridiculous. No, I don’t care anymore. It works.

Step 2: Separate the Person from the Mistake

This one’s tough. But every time someone on my team drops the ball, I pause. I remind myself:

“They’re not their last mistake. Neither am I.”

People grow. Skills sharpen. One moment doesn’t define anyone — unless we let it.

Step 3: Reset Faster

I started treating mistakes like halftime. Debrief, adjust, get back on the field.

No stewing. No endless replays. Just enough time to learn, then we move.

Try This With Your Team

If you manage people, this is your playbook.

• When someone messes up, remind them: Be a goldfish.

• After a fail, debrief fast. What did we learn? What’s one thing we’ll try differently? Then close the book.

• Celebrate wins just as loudly as you remember losses. If you’re going to carry something for years, let it be the good stuff too.

Leadership Is Memory Management

Leadership is not about remembering everything. It’s about remembering the right things.

Remember the lessons. Remember the wins. Remember that people are bigger than their worst days.

Forget the sting. Forget the shame. Forget the story you’ve built in your head about who someone is, based on one chapter.

Including yourself.

One Last Thought

If you’re still reading, maybe this is sticking because you’ve got your own museum of mistakes.

Maybe you replay them like I did.

Let me offer you this.

You don’t have to burn the museum down. Just stop adding new exhibits.

Take the lesson, write it on the wall, and then walk out.

There’s work to do. People to lead. Ideas to try.

Be a goldfish. Not because forgetting is easy, but because moving forward is worth it.